Good people are like candles; they burn themselves up to give others light.
An abject lesson in how to keep fucking up
‘How does it feel to be America’s premier blow-job queen?” It was early 2001. I was sitting on the stage of New York’s Cooper Union in the middle of taping a Q&A for an HBO documentary. I was the subject.
There were gasps and sputters from the audience. Numerous blurred, faceless people called out, “Don’t answer it!”
“It’s hurtful and it’s insulting,” I said, attempting to gather my wits. “And as insulting as it is to me, it’s even more insulting to my family. I don’t actually know why this whole story became about oral sex. I don’t. It was a mutual relationship.… The fact that it did is maybe a result of a male-dominated society.”
Disguise your liquor as potions. Perhaps drinking makes you lucky. Or truthful. Or an entirely different-looking person. Sold on Etsy.
Hmmmm, that veritaserum one might be alright, just as a warning to others.
"If I drink this, I can’t even lie about social mores. Also, I am a huge dork."
I’m going to wind up like Prak from hitchhikers guide who got too much truth serum and wouldn’t stop telling the whole truth.
I NEED THAT POLYJUICE ONE YESTERDAY
Why? Who did you want to be?
and people say i’m hard to shop for
Mark Bustos is a hair stylist at an upscale salon in New York City, but not all of his clientele have to be wealthy to get a quality trim. Sometimes, they don’t need a penny.
- Yesterday: horny
- Today: horny
- Tomorrow: horny
- Next week: horny
- Next month: horny
- Apocalypse: horny
For many of us who grew up in the 1980s and ‘90s, the mixtape was the ultimate gift of self-expression to a loved one. It took thought, time and an intimate knowledge of the recipient. Within the confines of two short sides of a cassette, and from our own assemblage of albums and the frequencies on our FM dial, we distilled a one-of-a-kind soundtrack. It was both an art form and a means of communication, a bespoke object and a musical zine made just for one.
I admit that I still kind of feel like this. If I take the time to make you a mix, especially if it’s a physical thing (and yes, I will make a fucking cover for it and of course it will be awesome because it is for you and I wouldn’t NOT make it awesome), then it’s most likely that I, at the very very least, am incredibly fond of you. But most likely is I’m crushing on you and want you to have a tiny little slice of what I think about you.